Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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