i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
