11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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