Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize