We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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