His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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