you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
