dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
