from now on my penis is your penis
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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