a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We have started to decorate penises.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize