Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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