The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
