His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize