break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
