you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also, beer. Big fan.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
