Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
