part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
