This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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