I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
