Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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