my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
