she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
