I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
