can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
