she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
