don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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