I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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