Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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