grandma shit on top of the toilet
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
