My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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