im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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