i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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