My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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