what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
