I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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