it's not cheating when I paid for it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
