did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
