it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
