took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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