Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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