My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
