I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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