# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
