Please, let me fuck your mom
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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