So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
