Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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