i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
