I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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