You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
