Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
