you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
