No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
