Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
