There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
