someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
