idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
