Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
