he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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