she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
