I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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