I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize