He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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