I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
