My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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