weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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