well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
