The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
