she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I didn't notice because vodka
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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