3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
