DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
