eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
its liver damage thursday
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
