There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
