If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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