i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
