he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
