At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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