return my video game
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
