im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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