Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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