OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
