Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
