I bet he comes in French.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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