Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
