Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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