Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im part way to drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
