I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize