he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have post one night stand depression
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize