You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
