Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
