totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
