she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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